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Titan Uranus

This is a real ship owned by a Singaporean company. Whoever came up with its name must not be a native English speaker, because nobody who spoke English would have never named anything that sounded like "Tighten your anus" in a million years, especially a vessel full of seamen.

Sign in Chinese Hospital

The person who composed this sign in the Gynaecology and Obstetrics Department of a Chinese hospital certainly took his definitions literally. One has to wonder which medical dictionary he used for a reference.

Wan-Q Restaurant

One time when I was performing on the Russian ship Mikhail Sholokhov, the ship berthed in Suva, Fiji on my birthday, so some of my friends on the staff decided to take me out to dinner. They took me to a restaurant and when I saw its name, I nearly wet myself laughing - the Wan-Q Restaurant - say it as it's written and you get the Wank You Restaurant. But what was hilarious was the name of the street it was in - Cumming Street. How appropriate. Suffice it to say that I souvenired a pile of this restaurant's business cards to show to friends.

Big Nose

This advertisement appeared in the Australian Jewish News in Melbourne - is this stereotyping or what? We've all heard the jokes about Jews having big noses, but to run this advertisement in the Jewish News, well that just shows a wonderful sensitivity - or does it?

Colorectal Surgeon

The first time I arranged to have a colonoscopy performed, I went to a colorectal surgeon in Hornsby. Imagine me bursting into uncontrollable laughter when I saw his brass shingle - Dr Matthew McNamara, Colorectal Surgeon - Please use rear entrance. Talk about taking your work seriously. I raced home immediately, grabbed my camera and went back to take this photo - it's priceless.

Family Planning

Another good suggestion from the signwriters, who obviously come from the Greek School of Contraception. One has to wonder if these people actually read what they have written.

Droopy Cock

So Russell Peacock named his son Drew without saying his full name out aloud. Fair enough, an easy thing to do. But when he looked the name up in Google and was asked whether he was really looking for "Droopy Cock", the penny dropped with a very loud clang. What a catastrophe! The poor kid is going to get hell for the rest of his life.

Harry Potter

What a great toy to give to pubescent girls. They won't even bother looking for boyfriends when they can play with this very stimulating device. Thanks a lot, Harry Potter and Mattel. I bet this vibrating broomstick becomes a much sought-after collector's piece.

Muslim Licence

This driver's licence came from the old Yugoslavia and was issued to a Muslim woman. It's fine to respect the religious customs of others, but what's the point of having that photo on it?

Spot The Wife

This is the Spot The Wife Competition. One of those blue things is a Muslim woman and the other blue thing is a bag of garbage. Do we have a winner?

McDonalds Yass

I wonder if the signwriting company actually realised what they had done - literally spelling out "My Ass" with their McDonalds billboard. I wonder if it's still there?

Cactus Idea

Some primary schoolchildren were given these clown flowerpots and each was told to grow a cactus in it. This is the result - not quite what the teacher and parents expected.

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